Photoshoot!
by 0ri
Summary: CLAMP's latest production, 'X 1999', is commencing... Let's start with the photos, shall we? [MILD crossovers in later chapters][SxK][SxS][KxS][random pairings. use your imagination.]
1. Chapter 1

**Photo-shoot!**

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**Authors notes:** xDD Ahahah…

Why do I think of stuff like this…

Well, this was mostly inspired when I was looking at CLAMP's newest X art book, '_Infinity_'. A lot of the images seemed so… I don't know… _Sexually appealing_ isn't exactly the right description…

Well, anyway, it doesn't matter, because it inspired some thing humor-ish.

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A little background information on clamp is needed to read this… but if you truly want to, you can skip it, and come back to it…. Or some thing.

**1. Nanase Okawa – **The main author of clamp. I would expect she comes up with all conflicts in stories, and the major plot outlines. Though I'm sure she gets suggestions and such from the other members…. She's still basically the one who holds the whip in 'CLAMP'. a photograph for your own reference - h t t p /clamp. J p g – remove spaces.

**2. Mokona Apapa **– The _MAIN_ artist of CLAMP. Her art style is what is mainly used in X, and I'm sure pretty sure she did all the character designs in X, since it screams with her style. She probably did the main artwork for titles such as _Card Captor Sakura_, _Wish,_ and _Clover _as well - And of course, _Tokyo Babylon_. a photograph for your own reference – h t t p /mimime7.free.fr/Mangakas/MokonaApapa/mokonaapapa. J p g – remove spaces.

**3. Mick Nekoi **– Her style is "relaxed and the lines more sparing". This shows in manga like _Suki_ and _Shirahime-Syo. _a photograph for your own reference – h tt p /clamp. J p g – remove spaces

**4. Satsuki Igarashi –** "is a supporting artist and designer." I would probably reference she does most of the clothing designs, helps along with backgrounds… Which is some of the most difficult work, for people who don't know much about drawing, architecture is very hard. a photograph for your own reference – ht t p /clamp. j p g

All information taken from this article – h t t p / w w w . s h t m l (remove spaces.)

**5.** _346,650,000 yen – _About 3 million USD.

Finally, onto the fic!

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**Photo-shoot !**

**Chp 1 **

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"Where the _FUCK_ is my latté!" A certain black haired savoir of the Earth screamed. Or at least, he was in CLAMP's latest production, 'X 1999'. Kamui stomped around the photoset, his violet eyes narrowed with hatred, shoulders slumped, body tilted forward in a menacing posture, as he hunted down for his manager and for the precious drink that would surely follow. How could _anyone_ possibly forget that he needed his latte, every day, at_ exactly_ 3:32 PM? And yet it was passed that timing by 2 minutes now. Was he not _beautiful_ enough? Was he not the main character of the series? Did not every fan girl in Japan, perhaps even on Earth grovel at his precious, delicate feet?

And yet here he was, _latte-less_, outside on some slightly crowded photoset while the 4 members of CLAMP disregarded him as they spoke to a group of photographers.

Kamui stormed up towards Nanase Okawa(1), who didn't seem to be doing anything at the time, just looking around, examing the set.

"Okawa-san," Kamui said, planting himself in front of her. "Do you know where that jerk, Haru is? He _forgot_ my latte."

Okawa frowned, turning her face to incline it more around the set, and turned back towards Kamui. "I don't know. It doesn't matter though, because we need to do a photo soon with you and Fuuma – "

"ARG! _Again?_" Kamui asked, clearly distraught. He pouted his pretty pink lips. Mokona(2) span around, her usual kimono frilling about her, and abruptly took a hold of Kamui's face with both her hands. But he was used to the energetic demeanor, and hardly blinked at the action.

"Look at that face. _Just look_," She directed towards the three photographers behind her, who were all staring with some thing akin to awe in their gazes. "Isn't he gorgeous?"

"Absolutely," one auburn hair photographer said, nodding eagerly. The other two men responded with equally appraising compliments.

"I mean, just look at those eyes-" Mokona said, animatedly, as she directed at Kamui's face. Kamui was used to such attention, and held still. He grinned haughtily when one of the men blushed. _That's_ _right, I can even make the straightest of men question their sexuality. _He thought proudly, gleaming with the wickedness of any 16-year-old. Finally, Mokona released his face, waving her hand.

"Who's our_ other_ beauty, now?" She thought, grinning. "Subaru. We need to take some pictures of him too…"

"I agree," Came Nekoi's(3) voice, from the background. "We should do more canon Subaru and Kamui pictures. Drive the fans _insane_. Make them feel like killing us and themselves."

_**YES**,_ Kamui thought excitedly, delighted at the thought of being thrown at the green-eyed man, if a little forcefully by CLAMP, not realizing his attention had been completely diverted from his drink.

He hated Seishirou for_ totally_ hogging Subaru's attention from him. The fucking, cherry blossom bastard… How Kamui despised that man…

"Hmm," Mokona hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know, we need to do some more pictures of Seishirou and Subaru together…."

Kamui paled, but said nothing. _Oh _common_! It's bad enough they're all over each other in the story line! _

"Maybe. Alright, how about," Nekoi perked up, "We do some slash pictures with Kamui and Subaru first, all bloody-like,"

Kamui winced, rubbing his arms. Great, more cuts…

"-Angsting together, and then we'll get some sexy pictures of Kamui, covered in feathers – "

Kamui winced yet again, recalling an incident, not to long ago, where he choked on a feather –

"-then some more pictures of Subaru… Hmm… It seems we have a lot to do today. Well, let's find that onmyoji and get to it!" Mokona clapped her hands.

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"Subaru-kuuuun…" Seishirou purred - his usual crooked smirk on his face. Subaru's back stiffened, and he glared, sipping from the swirly-straw that Seishirou had _insisted_ on buying him… The liquid made a slight 'slllluuurp' sound as he drank it. "You know what seeing you drink that reminds me of –"

"NO, no, _don't_ even say it." Subaru snapped, slamming the milkshake down, and crossed his arms, sitting back. "Why does _every thing _involving me have to relate to sex to you?"

Seishirou munched on a fry, and slipped his sunglasses off. Subaru hid his blush – _god, he's so sexy _– And the man leant his cheek on the palm of his hand, elbow on the creamy surface of the table as he tipped closer towards the onmyoji, gently closing the already small distance between them, as he murmured, voice lowering an octave, "Isn't it _obvious_?"

"N… No." Subaru mumbled, feeling a horrible tide of shyness suddenly swipe at him, his heart pounding frantically in his chest, because whenever Seishirou's amber eyes looked at him just like _that_ –

"Subaru!" Mokona said, popping out of no where on the Tokyo street. Subaru groaned, slumping, burying his face in his arms. He'd accepted Seishirou's invitation to a small café because he wanted to avoid taking pictures _as much as possible. _

Seishirou watched the younger man angst with a gleam in his eyes, and stroked the short black hair back. Subaru didn't move.

Mokona walked around the tables, quickly moving towards Seishirou and Subaru. She patted Subaru on the back when she reached him, hovering over his slouched body. "You're pretty face is needed." She announced, grinning maliciously.

"I don't wanna…" Subaru groaned. "I don't want my picture taken…"

"You know what, Okawa(1) made you way too modest."

"I like his modest-ness," Seishirou protested, frowning. She reached over and patted the assassin on the head, for no particular reason; if just for the fact the author loves Seishirou's hair. (author insert: ; -;)

"_I like who I am_." Subaru hissed rather darkly.

"Oh common, Subaru! We just got in a new shipment of cherry blossoms just so we could take your picture! That's cruel, isn't it? …To make us spend _so much money_ on flowers and then make them go to waste…" She was tugging on his shoulders insistently, crouching down and whispering in his ear, "… You feel it, don't you? The rise of guilt, threatening to drown you… _It's in your soul, boy_." Seishirou thought the woman looked rather creepy, when she did that to the young man.

Subaru flinched, the usual battle against his own instincts commencing in his brain. _No, I won't give in! nono, _He tried to assure himself. _CLAMP makes what, how much money? 346,650,000_(5)_ yen a week? No! Don't give in damn it! _Mokano was beginning to make little sniffling noises by his ear. Subaru flinched again, whispered some thing most vulgar through gritted teeth, and then stood shakily, glaring.

Mokano grinned with triumph. "Oh thank you, Subaru! I heart you." She hugged him.

Subaru melted, the last of his self control blown to bits, and patted the woman's head. Seishirou, who'd been watching the spectacle from the safe distance of the table, sipped his milkshake. He put his sunglasses back on, cleared up the table of the last food, and then followed the two curiously as Mokona gestured for him to as they made their way back to the set.

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"Yaaay! Subaruuu!" Kamui squeaked happily, and threw himself at the onmyoji, embracing him in a tight hug.

"I don't like my property being touched by strangers." Seishirou said kindly, though there was a dark undertone to his voice.

"_I'm not your property_, bastard," Subaru snapped back to the man behind him.

"Oh Subaru-kun, you always pretend you hate me, but we both know it's not true!"

"It is true. You're not loved. Get over it." Kamui yelled bitterly back at the assassin before the onmyoji had a chance to reply.

Subaru cocked an eyebrow, and pushed Kamui off his body. "Will you two _stop it_?" He said, looking between them, frowning. Of course, his pleas went unheard, because right at that moment Seishirou and Kamui had started a bitch fight.

"Slut."

"Asshole."

"Greedy."

"Bastard."

"Onmyoji thief."

"_**WHAT** WAS THAT?_" Kamui screamed and made to jump on Seishirou, but he smoothly side stepped it, span around, and grabbed the teenager by the throat. Kamui squirmed and twisted, panting, his eyes fierce. "You wanna go! YOU WANNA GO?11"

"**STOP IT**!" When Subaru yelled, it was an indication that he'd snapped. The onmyoji fell to his knees, some thing inside of him broken.

Kamui and Seishirou both stared at him for a moment, twitching on the floor, and then went back to their bitch fight.

"Well, at least _I didn't sleep with my mom_,"

"It was my cousin who acted that part."

"LIKE _THAT'S_ ANY BETTER!" Kamui yelled, kicking.

"Well, at least my mom isn't – what, how old? 15?"

"FUCK YOU-"

"HEY!" Igarashi(4) snapped at the two, pulling Kamui off of Seishirou. Seishirou said nothing, but brushed his shirt off, as Kamui continued to stare at him menacingly. Igarashi looked between the two. "Okay, which one of you started this?"

"_HE _DID!" Kamui said, pointing to the assassin fixedly. Seishirou rolled his eyes. _Immature brat. Kid probably hasn't even hit puberty yet._

Igarashi sighed angrily, and knelt down by Subaru, wondering where Mokona had run off to. She was waving her hand like a fan in front of his face, watching intently for any sign of reaction. He finally sighed and tilted his head, and she lifted him further up, letting him lean against her.

His green emerald eyes peered open. "Hmmm…?"

"Subaru-kun, you passed out." Seishirou said as he knelt down on the young man's other side, touching his cheek with the back of his hand. "How do you feel?"

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru turned back towards the other man, blinking. Seishirou grinned.

"Subaru-kun, you're adorable you know that."

Subaru sighed melodramatically. Kamui had also joined the party of gathering around the onmyoji and invading his personal space.Igarashi was kneeling to the left of him, Seishirou was on his right, and now Kamui was just hovering, kneeling by his face and brushing the young man's hair through tentative fingers.

"Um… why is everyone touching me/staring at me…" He asked uneasily, and squirmed.

"Mokona's coming over here," Seishirou said suddenly, looking up. And indeed, the woman was bouncing over cheerfully, photographers in tow. Subaru squirmed more and curled into a ball, and then tightly clung to Seishirou's waist.

"Nuuuh… no pictures please…" He buried his face in Seishirou's stomach.

Not tempted to move the young man, seeing as how close his face was to a certain part of his anatomy… Seishirou patted his head.

However, an immediately jealous Kamui suddenly tore the onmyoji away from the Sakurazukamori, clinging to him. "**MINE**." He roared.

Feeling a little over mild irritation, Seishirou smiled easily, though he was ready to rip the teenager's head off. "He's _been_ mine since he was 9 years old."

Not wanting to attribute to the argument, Subaru remained impassive and limp in Kamui's arms.

Mokona was the one who pulled Subaru up again, breaking the evil staring contest between Kamui and Seishirou as she exclaimed, "Ok-ay! We got the photographers! _Woah_ Subaru, you're already angsting…." She leant towards Satsuki(4), whispering, "He's _good_," As she held onto the onmyoji like a plush doll. Igarashi nodded solemnly.

"Yay! We get to take pictures!" Kamui bounced excitedly, and took Subaru's hand, jerking him towards himself. Subaru finally straightened, and was hanging his head, glaring at the ground below him as if it were to blame for creating the lunatics surrounding him.

Seishirou seethed at the sight of Subaru being taken away from him. He was about to do some thing a little violent to the violet-eyed boy when Mokona put a hand on his chest, halting him. "Behave. They're only taken pictures."

Seishirou glared at her. "Whatever. I don't care." And then jerked away, pulling out a cigarette and moving off to the sidelines of the set. Mokona smiled mischievously, finding the small tempter cute, and then hopped off to help with the photographers.

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"Alright, good, good," Mokona nodded her approval as two body builders with large knives tore rips through Kamui's shirt, occasionally purposely hitting flesh instead of only cloth to cause a little bleeding. Kamui stood still, trying to concentrate on … anything else to ease the pain of the cuts - especially a particularly large slash of '**X**' on his chest. _ Okay, Subaru, naked… Subaru in a bathtub naked… Subaru with the sakuraz-NO._

"OKAY! Perfect! Get him in front of the cameras before he stops bleeding! _Quickly_! Hurry, hurry!" Before Kamui had time to complete his previous thought he was rightly shoved into a blanket – carpeted with feathers. He sighed, rolling over, and numerous cameras flashed at once.

Though one camera was not from any of the photographers clamp had hired…. "HEY!" Mokona suddenly screamed at a passing biker who had taken the intuitive to take a picture of Kamui on his Polaroid camera. She ran after the boy – Kamui saw the instant where his eyes widened in horror and his face paled – before he bolted off on his bike and disappeared into the busy suburban of Tokyo. "COME BACK HERE! THAT'S _COPYWRITTEN_!" Mokona shrieked, and was soon out of sight as well.

"Great." Nanase(1) commented, crossing her arms and glaring. "Just great."

Kamui was started to feel a little woozy from blood loss… Finally, the photographers were sated, and his numerous caretakers swiftly pulled him up, dabbed his wounds with wet clothes, brushed his hair, and fed him grapes – all in one, blurry motion. Kamui smiled contently as a grape was placed delicately between his lips, chewing, feeling the texture of a comb streaking through his wavy hair. He was lifted up then, and lightly placed on a large, cushioned chair, with a gigantic air conditioner in front of it. _Ahh… _Wind blowing through his bangs and around his clothes - the cool touch of soaked fabric on his skin… _This is so nice… _And he felt his healing powers kick in, and the cuts were soon only scratches.

He wondered though, when Mokona would return, and when he would get to take some pictures with Subaru…

Kamui pouted.

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**Authors note part II: **

I know. Abrupt place to leave off. Oh well…

Hmmm… tell me what you think? ; ; xD

_For next chapter: Will Mokona ever return? Will Kamui ever get to take pictures with Subaru? And where the hell is Fuuma? Will the author ever get the dolphin eraser? And Seishirou's pretty pissed, yup… All in the next chapter! Woot! _


	2. Chapter 2

AN: One thing – because Satsuki is the name of one of the members of clamp, I'm not going to put her in. (I mean the X character satsuki, not the clamp member.) So if you see Satsuki's name it's the clamp member, _Satsuki Igarashi._ This is going to be confusing for people who skip my notes. (lol)

For Kamui fans who now hate me, I'm sorry, I'm making Kamui into a _huge_ bitch, but it's so much_ fun_… And no, I don't hate Kamui, in any way, shape, or form, for anyone who is curious. He's my 3rd favorite character; although he should technically be second, since I tied Seishirou and Subaru for the number one spot…

Credits to my friend Shuu who gave me many ideas, which are always bad, thus I apply them.

For the person who asked where I got the Infinity art book, one word: E-bay.

I would be more then happy to link you people to a nice site that has every single X picture for the art book ever created up, but unfortunately, since fanfictiondotnet loves us all, I can't link it and thus you can't see the real pictures. And I am referencing to the real pictures.

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**Chapter 2**

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Fuuma stretched out his tan body across the chair, purring (© the sakuazukamori) as he did so. The sun beat its heat waves in streaks across his dark skin, warming him his entire body… The white, untouched sand of the beach was a vast desert before his eyes, as the ocean drew gentle curves and lapped across the grains…

Save free for his servants and his sister (who was quite un-headless), of course.

Nataku knelt by his side like a content, yet insistent pet - which was really, was all he/it/she was – a pet, and nothing more. The genderless creature spread sun tan lotion across Fuuma's naked torso, trailing its thin fingers down almost to the waistband of his pants….

Fuuma tilted his head back, and sighed contently. No work. Nothing. Just the oblivion of the sea before him…

And his sister…

…And that _horrid_…

Singing…

"Indigo, indigoooo," She sang, her curly blond hair flying around her like many snakes as she whirled ungracefully, half stumbling but still managing to keep herself turning. "Indigooooo… I love yooou… You're so beautiful…. Beautiful indigoooo…" She giggled loudly, and it sounded more like a half-squeak, as if coming from the mouth of a dying rodent. Fuuma almost growled.

"Onii-chan!" Kotori shrieked suddenly, and took his larger hand in hers. He didn't even look at her as he stared up at the blue sky… so much more lovely and interesting then the girl beside him… Or Nataku's hands, or the servants fanning him, holding his swirly-straw for him as he sipped chocolate milk… Anything was better than Kotori. Even the dead, half-eaten crab on the coast was a more pleasant sight then her.

"… Yes, Kotori?" Fuuma murmured, steadily loosing patience.

"When I die…. Onii-chan…." She sniffled on tears, and squeezed his hand tightly. "When I die… onii-chan…"

He'd only heard this request about 20 fucking times already.

"_W-Write_… _indigo _on my gravestone… and _paint_ it indigo… please?" Kotori peered into his face with watering eyes, her small nose almost touching his. The servants looked at Fuuma with great pity, but said nothing.

Fuuma, despite everything, forced (a bit roughly, and he almost twitched) the kindest smile on his face, and tucked an ugly strand of her greasy hair behind one ear. "Kotori, my dearest sister," he continued to smile, "I would think of nothing more."

"_Oh!_ Onii-chan!" Kotori gasped, pushing Nataku away from her brother. The thin clone fell over in an instant, and Kotori latched her unnaturally skinny arms around her brother, sobbing into his slick chest.

"Kotori."

"Y-Yes, onii-chan?"

"Get. Off. Me."

"O-Oh…" Kotori stumbled back a few steps, but then smiled happily. "You didn't want me to have a heart attack because I was sobbing, is that right? Is that why you told me to let go! _OH,_ onii-chan is so _kind_!"

_Please, God help me… _Fuuma thought miserably. "Nataku, are you alright?" The creature murmured some thing, and eventually stood up, brushing the bits of sand out of its pale hair.

"I am." He reproached Fuuma after his robotic response, and knelt by his side – the side Kotori _wasn'_t on.

Kotori, finally noticing that her brother was a bit _occupied _with the white-haired 'man', strut off like a chicken, having gone back to her singing.

Fuuma groaned.

"Indigooo… _Indigo_…." She fanned out her arms, flailing them up and down, as if making a poor attempt at flight, "Indigo… I love _yooooou_…."

Fuuma could not take this torture one second longer. And, noticing the looks on all his servants faces, nor could anyone else.

He painted a rather painful looking smile on his face. "Kotori, my dear, sweet, Kotori…"

"_Yes_, onii-chan?" Kotori twisted herself to him, looking at her brother with her disturbingly large eyes. Her enormous eyelashes blinked stupidly at him. She reproached him disjointedly, as if walking in a straight line was a challenge for her.

Fuuma waved off the servants, and they gladly retreated to the car in the parking lot up the sand dome, including Nataku, whom Fuuma saw was sending Kotori dark looks for severing his playtime with 'master'.

Fuuma gave Kotori an open mouth smile, and asked very slowly,

"Kotori, do you want to play a fun game with me?"

"Oh! I love indigo!"

"No, Kotori. I asked. Do. You. Want. To. Play. A. Game."

"…A game?" Kotori repeated, her large eyes some how widening further. Fuuma nodded, slowly, and Kotori's small lips stretched into a grin of pure delight, as if the girl could orgasm with happiness at the mere thought.

"I love games, onii-chan!" She bolted towards him and threw her arms around him. Fuuma did his best not to throw up – her body was slick with oil from the many skipped showers, her face and hair were the most horrible, the strands of yellow so caked with grease that most of Kotori's curly locks stuck together in slimy clumps or tuffs of hair. And she was so skinny that most of the her rib cage was poking out, and the lower half of her bikini kept near sliding off from the overtly thin hips, the bones of her thighs protruding in a grotesque, skeletal display.

And her teeth… each one of them were shining yellow, the majority of them knocked out by Kamui himself from the numerous occasions of Kotori sexually harassing the boy because 'he had the most beautiful indigo eyes'.

Quite frankly, Fuuma was pissed with the girl.

No one touched Kamui but him.

_No one._

"What's the game, onii-chan?" Kotori asked, smiling her worst, her humid, putrid, rotten-egg scented breath grazing the side of his clean shaven face. Fuuma, trying not to explode from the sheer presence of the girl, controlled himself to pry her –_delicately_- off. She still hissed in pain.

_Why me… why me… _Fuuma kept asking himself as he looked over the skinny teenager.

"In this game…" His voice trembled a little – in an instant, he smoothed it out. "In this game… you see… I bury you..."

"You bury me?" Kotori's eyebrows raised high up her forehead.

"Yes."

"… _onii-chan_…" Kotori sniffled on the rush of tears.

Fuuma, abruptly frightened, took a step back. "Y-Yes?"

"That game… it's the best game ever, onii-chan… the best idea _ever_…" Kotori was now sobbing loudly, her head bowed down as she wailed… "_Why_… c-can't I, Kotori-chan… b-be as smart as o-onii-chan? _WHY_?" She screamed in an explosion of sound. Fuuma trembled against it, threatened to be deafened, and slapped the girl in automatic reflex. Being that he was the dark!Kamui helped to nearly throw her head off her shoulders

Kotori stumbled, eyes rolling into the back of her skull for a second. Her neck cracked harshly as she turned it back to face her brother – a bruise was already starting to form on her cheek, and Fuuma could see blood on her mouth where he'd knocked her teeth out. Not that he cared.

And as if that moment completely hadn't happened, Kotori hopped up and said, "Let's play the game, onii-chan!" a few of the broken teeth falling out of her mouth as she spoke.

Fuuma cringed.

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He was digging. He didn't know when he'd begun, and he didn't know when he'd stop. His hands kept moving, android-like, his fingers cut and beet red from the shovel's wooden handle, but he kept on digging, sweat rolling in beads down his back, watching with exhausted eyes as the grains continued to gather up; piling into a castle of sand – and Kotori – _wasn't_ helping at all – the screeching of her voice alone was enough to make him want to run into the ocean and drown himself. Fuuma restrained that urge with a frustrated shove, and continued to dig as Kotori attempted dancing around him.

"Oh, _birds_! Look how big and strong my brother is!" There were no birds in this place. She'd scared them all away. But still, she gestured to them, as if they were not cowering in fear of her but listening. "_Oh_ birds! _Ohhh… indigo_!"

Fuuma felt like crying. He dug faster. He was sure he'd bleed if he did it, but he didn't care.

"Am I winning, onii-chan!" Kotori questioned happily, bouncing on one foot, clicking her tongue in a way that made Fuuma want to rip the vile thing right out of her mouth.

"Y-You're always... a winner… Kotori…" He managed to get out, gasping.

"_Oh!_ Onii-chan is so kind! Though not as kind as _indigo_… onii-chan is still pretty kind…"

Fuuma continued to dig, the hot sun tossing its heat waves down his back, a burning massage that he desperately wished to escape. And Kotori—Kotori's ugly face and voice and her hideous smile---

"You _know_, onii-chan…" She span around in bliss, "One day, I'm going to _marry _indigo…"

Fuuma wanted to scream.

Her voice, it never… stopped…. Talking… once….

But finally, _finally_, it was complete. The hole, that was, and now the older Monou was bathing in the celebration of the aftermath. Fuuma cast the shovel aside and grinned his brightest, fakest smile, his body shaking as he did. He flexed out his arms for his little sister, calling, his voice almost trembling and over-desperate sounding, "Little Kotori… the hole… it's finished. Come to _onii-chan_."

"_YAY!_" She voice exploded across his senses and Fuuma almost passed out. She hopped into the hole with the excitement of a 2 year old (literally), making tiny noises of joy as she did.

"Alright. Now you just stay _right_ there." Fuuma instructed as his hands eagerly dragged the sand back into its hole, fixating her in it. Her head was going to be visible, but the tide was close to rising, and…. _Yes…God, you have given me strength. I'll go to church tomorrow, I swear. I'll pray everyday now. _Of course Fuuma wouldn't, but it was fun to make that promise anyway. Suddenly the sun was less hot and more kind, warm, and relaxing – and the ocean didn't smell so much like Tokyo's acid and salt, but was an aroma that promised some thing venturous and beautifully mysterious.

"… Is this all I do, onii-chan?" Kotori asked him, blinking stupidly, but he was already finished putting all the sand back, his happiness rising higher then the tides swell. He patted it down roughly, knowing her frail body would be no match for it anyway. But, just to be sure… He grabbed some nearby rocks and placed it around her. Just _incase._

And that was when his cellophane went off in his short's back pocket. Fuuma slapped his hands together briefly to get the majority of the sprinkles of dirt out before reaching for his phone, flipping it open and placing it to his ear.

"Monou Fuuma - Dragon of Earth and destroyer of the human race." He said politely, then growled with a memory, "And if this is the _fucking_ Viagra company, I already said I _don't_ want it –"

"_Monou Fuuma!_" Fuuma immediately recognized the voice's pitch as Mokona's. He cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "Where the hell are you!"

Abruptly, Kotori's voice cut in. "Is that the _Viagra_ Company? I placed an order with them!"

…Fuuma slowly looked at his sister…. And then… very slowly, looked away, his usually tan face contorted into an odd chalk-white color tipped with green.

"…I'm at the beach…" He explained, whispering, and went to sit down again at his plastic throne, cushioned with expensive pillows while trying to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach.

"At the beach!" She snapped at him over the phone. "Why!"

"It's Sunday?"

"Yeah well, didn't you check the schedule with us…?" Her anger was finally dying off from her tone, and sounded more hushed, though still displeased. "You have a photo shoot today. Didn't you know about that?"

Fuuma brushed a few bits of sand that had some how managed to get into his hair while replying, "No, no one told me." He frowned. He'd wanted to watch his sister slowly drown as the waves grew over the shore… looked like he wouldn't be getting the pleasure of that. Oh well.

"Seishirou was supposed to tell you… I'm going to yell at him…"

"Seishirou's too preoccupied with the Sumeragi's to care about whether I show up or not. You know that, I know that, the fans know that, and the author knows that."

"Well, I don't care! And, wait a minute, what author?"

"Look, I paid the beach owners to have the whole place for myself. Can't I have a break?" Fuuma pleaded. His sister was starting to squeal 'onii-chan! The tide!' as the ocean crept towards her face… Fuuma picked up his chocolate-milk drink from the little pocket of sand it had been placed in, and sipped at the swirly straw, watching with great enthusiasm as the waves continued to tower…

Mokona sighed melodramatically. "But we were going to do some _naked_ pictures of Kamui…"

Fuuma dropped his drink, and stood up, already making it to the car. "I'm there."

Kotori's screams were only a murmur in the background.

o

o

o

"_You know_, Subaru," Kamui slurred in an alluring tone that Subaru either didn't notice or completely disregarded as he fanned himself with a traditional Asian, giant fan, his wavy hair spangled in the sunlight. Kamui frowned in thought, "Kotori was never supposed to die in the story line. Fuuma's hand 'accidentally' slipped as he was holding the shinkin. And it just accidentally plunged through her heart…" Kamui sipped from his pink swirly straw, his cup designed in an intricate glass with pink fuzz decorating it. "And she just 'happened' to have cords all around her body to rip her into pieces at the opportune moment."

The other nodded his agreement. "Yeah… Semes are sadists… I remember Seishirou-san was laughing on the sidelines when that happened…" Subaru frowned as well, but it was more of a pout.

Kamui nodded solemnly, and then carefully stretched over and touched Subaru's hand. Subaru immediately flinched and scooted away on the bench. Kamui scooted closer, grinning naughtily. Both their regular clothes had been stripped away (though in separate rooms, much to Kamui's disappointment) and they had been dressed in fine black clothing for a picture only taken moments ago – long shirts and long pants, both much too hot to wear on such a scorching day… And there were patterns, mostly embedded on the shoulder blades of the cloth – fan-like designs with flowers inside them. Igarashi was damn good at sewing.

They'd both been waiting for Mokona to get a hold of Fuuma, chatting aimlessly as they sat together. But Kamui was bored of that now, and wanted to play.

Annoyed by the other's constant shyness, Kamui wrapped his arms around him securely. The onmyoji flinched, a red blush coloring his face, and tried to move further away "U-Uh-- K-Kamui ---"

"Subaru, I love you. Have sex with me."

"_W-What_?"

Kamui's violet orbs began to water… "Pretty _please_…" He whimpered, tugging Subaru's slender body closer, locking his arms more tightly. He leant up and licked at the shell of Subaru's ear with his small pink tongue, panting against the young man's skin, breathing stimulations into his ear, "I love you… I want you… I _need_ you…" Subaru was quivering in terror, blushing red all the way to his ears, his throat suddenly dry and unable to protest, his pulse making his blood pound and adrenaline soar. But then Kamui was jerked away, the intruder almost knocking Subaru over in the process.

"F-Fuuma!" Kamui yelled, and kicked. "Let go of me, you bastard!" Instead of complying, Fuuma tucked Kamui beneath his arm; who creased on fighting with the knowledge he couldn't escape now, but still glared his worst anyway. And his drink had spilled to the floor… Kamui looked angrier. Subaru hopped up in an instant and beamed at his savoir.

"Naughtnaughty, Kamui," Fuuma scolded, and slapped the smaller boy's ass. Kamui shrieked and squirmed roughly, kicking like a child with a tantrum. "As for you, Sumeragi, I think it would be wisest to go to run along and play with the Sakurazukamori now." Fuuma's voice held a dangerous undertone.

Subaru seemed incredibility relieved and happy. "Y-Yes! I think so too!" And with that said, Subaru disappeared without even a minute hesitation.

"_Fuck_!" Kamui snapped, squirming, hissing. "I hate you, Fuuma…" He hung his head, energy slackened, sniffling and near crying; "I was _so_ close…"

"You were not."

"I WAS!"

"Boys!" Igarashi yelled at them, stomping over, her hands on her hips. She sighed, and dropped her arms. "Fuuma, put Kamui down."

This only resulted in Fuuma hugging Kamui closer.

"Fuuma. Now."

Fuuma pouted and placed the younger teenager down after another few seconds of hesitation. Kamui immediately bolted and hid behind Satsuki, trying to shrink away from his 'twin star'. He peaked over her shoulder and snapped at Fuuma as he stuck up both his middle fingers and struck his tongue out, "I'm sick of you and your sadistic streak! I'm sick of semes! I'm sick of you doing whatever the hell you want with me! I'm going for _Subaru_!"

Fuuma rolled his eyes. "Subaru's too infatuated with Sakurazuka to notice you."

"_Fuck you_! Don't even say that bastard's name!" Kamui sniffled, looking away. "Subaru will see that I'm a much better and…" he ran a hand through his wavy hair and sighed, "…_beautiful_ companion."

Satsuki shook her head. She then raised an eyebrow at Fuuma. "Weren't you supposed to bring Kotori with you?"

Fuuma's face paled considerably, and he turned away.

Satsuki growled. "_What _did you do to her this time?"

Fuuma mumbled some thing. Kamui snickered, _Haha, some one's going to get bitch slapped. _He lowered his hands and tried to hide his evil chuckles. Satsuki was beginning to look very, very angry.

"No. _What_ did you do to her? Don't tell me you left her some place again. Do _NOT_ tell me that!"

Fuuma mumbled some thing again, but both Satsuki and Kamui were able to make out the words 'beach' and 'ocean'.

Kamui's eyes widened, his mind rapidly drawing conclusions, and then broke off laughing, and asked as he slapped his knee, "Oh god, did you _drown_ her!" His whole form was convulsing with amusement, and he hugged his stomach and bent over, his face red from laughing so much, his ribs feeling as if they would burst.

Fuuma, surprised and delighted by Kamui's reaction, grinned, his nerve coming back full force, "Yes, and the tide was rising and she was screaming for me…"

"ahahahaha!" Kamui laughed harder, nearly falling over from the force of humor.

"_Stop bragging about it!_" Satsuki yelled – just as she did, Mokona was skipping over, chatting merrily with Okawa(1) who was harboring her usual bored expression, while Nekoi looked not less or more calm then Okawa, but definitely more enthusiastic as she listened to Mokona's happy rants of the Infinity book that would soon be getting published.

"Ah! Fuuma, there you are!" Mokona skipped over to the teenager, then raised an eyebrow, looked behind his broad body for a second, and then looked back up at him, hands on her hips. "Where's Kotori?"

"I was _just_ asking him about that!" Satsuki growled. "He left her at the _beach!_"

Kamui giggled. Mokona gapped. Satsuki continued to glare. Okawa rolled her eyes, and Mick frowned in disproval. After getting over her momentum of surprise, Mokona snapped, "You_… _**what**!_"_

"P-Please don't hurt me!" Fuuma begged, and ducked his head for cover, cowering. Kamui angrily sighed in immense distaste and looked away. "I just… I couldn't take it! All she kept talking about…. Indigo… I'm starting to see indigo in my sleep… it's haunting me… and her face… oh my god her face, she hasn't bathed in _months_… I couldn't even… look at her, without feel sick… I'm sorry!"

"You're supposed to be a loving brother, you big baby!" Mokona yelled, and Fuuma whimpered, crouching and trying to hide himself. "She better not have died! I'm sick of cloning her! I'm your boss, you're supposed to obey me, now _OBEY_!" This only caused to traumatize the teenager further and Fuuma motioned to sprint away, but before he was even fully standing Satsuki had stopped him, glaring.

Mokona stepped up to him, towering over his face, and pointed accusingly, "If you don't like the way she looks, then don't look at her – and if she doesn't bathe, force her into the bath and bathe her yourself!"

"OH GOD NO! THE _IMAGES!_" Fuuma started shaking violently, spasms raking through his form, and, disquieted, Mokona took a step back, and mumbled, "Uh… Fuuma?" But the teenager had already passed out on the hard pavement.

o

o

It had taken more then a few splashes of water and other 'improvising' to awaken the Monou. The 'improvising' of which consisted of waving half-naked pictures of Kamui in front of the young man's face, pictures that had been taken that very morning. They'd put Kamui in one of the many tents equipment was held in, rolled out a futon for the Fuuma; and wisely put a cold cloth on his head.

Kamui had been placed in charge of taking care of Fuuma, who was dripping in and out of an odd slumber. Apparently, the members of CLAMP trusted him not to slip poison in the man's drink, however tempting it was for Kamui. They'd decided that as soon as Fuuma woke up, they would 'fetch kotori, and hope she wasn't dead by then'. It was the violet-eyed boy's job to inform them when that happened. Kamui hummed to himself, kneeling by the slackened body, frowning.

"You're _pretty_ hot but…" Kamui looked away pensively, "Not as hot as Subaru. Hmph!" He removed the cloth and re-soaked it in the basin of water beside him, and then placed it down on his 'twin star's' forehead. Fuuma mumbled some thing, and groaned.

"Give me a break. Thinking of Kotori being naked practically gave him a concussion. Pussy." Kamui had a bad itch to stand up and kick the man in the shin. "Why are you such a big fucking baby? God, take it like a man! Loser." Kamui, unable to take any more of looking at the pitiful form, stomped out of the tent.

Soon Nataku arrived, looking hesitantly at Kamui, and back at the tent's entrance. Kamui snorted at him. "What do you want, freaky? Freakyfreakyfreak." Kamui sang.

Nataku crossed its arms. "I came to see master."

"Your master is currently inaccessible, so go play with your toys." Kamui couldn't help the smirk that spread on his face.

Nataku faltered, stuttering, "How… How dare you!" It clenched its fists, glaring daggers at Kamui.

"Well, it's true; you have that whole Barbie set that 'master' bought you. So go play with it. Barbie probably needs her hair brushed, and Ken needs a new pair of underwear, as well as a few condoms so all the Barbie's won't get pregnant. I wait. I forgot. He **doesn't** have one, because he's not real, almost like _you_." Kamui grinned, feeling oddly bitter this afternoon. He blamed it both on the sun and on being forced to spend time with people who were less attractive then himself. He also blamed it on the fact he had come very close to getting laid by the Sumeragi (according to himself) only to have Fuuma let the beautiful green-eyed man escape him. The flashback of it made him want to growl.

Nataku's face turned an interesting shade of pink, but it said nothing, merely turned around, and stomped off – though tears were glistening in its eyes. Kamui shrugged and slid back into the tent.

"That was mean." He was surprised to see Fuuma awake – he was just beginning to sit up, his hair just slightly tousled from mild turning. Kamui snapped,

"Like I care. You ruined my chance with Subaru, you prick."

Fuuma looked annoyed. "Again and again, I tell you, the Sumeragi is infatuated with Seishirou."

"Whatever. Where the fuck is my latte?" Kamui grumbled, digging through the different objects of the tent – camcorders – a small fridge with booze – cameras –a sex whale – a small bonsai tree – a space ship – random mangas – why did CLAMP keep all this junk? He frowned and dug around in the miniature fridge, giving Fuuma a very open view to a certain part of his backside. Fuuma smirked and took out a camera.

o

o

Mokona had gone ahead of the other members, as usual, and taken the intuitive to meet a man with a truck about a certain shipment of cherry blossoms. They were both standing at the front of the gates, the man saying cheerily, "Just got your shipment in."

"Good, good." Mokona nodded her approval – 300,000 cherry blossom petals, just as she'd requested. She rounded to the back of the truck, peeking up to get a look at what was held inside… and saw…

beads… little pink, shiny beads…

"….Um…. What are_ these_?" Mokona asked, pointing at the tiny, round objects.

"_Sakura beads_, just like you ordered." The man grinned. Though it was suddenly swept off his face by the look he was being given.

"…" For once, Mokona had no response, as she stared at the giant stack of… not petals… no.. but beads… _beads… _She reached up as best she could, and grabbed a fist full of them, shaking them, and shoving it into the guy's face… "Please tell me what the _fuck_ I'm going to do with these."

"…Uhhh…" The man stared at her blankly. Mokona fumed.

"I asked for sakura _blossoms! Blossoms!_"

"No, you didn't." The gruff man accused. "I heard you specifically say 'sakura beads' over the phone."

Mokona nearly had no words to spare for that. "How… How dare you! Do you _know_ who I am! I'm Mokona Apapa! I'm practically a _god_ to you! I could get Seishirou to kill you; right now even if I wanted, you bastard!"

Seishirou, who was smoking in the corner, perked up.

The man tossed a glance in Seishirou's direction, and his face went chalk-white. "No, please!" He begged, facing Mokona again. "I'll take them back right now! Right this instant!" He was running to the truck door as he said it, and scrambled up into it, trembling horribly as he shoved the key into the ignition while slamming the door.

Satisfied, Mokona crossed her arms. "Damn straight you will." The man began to drive off full speed, and Mokona walked over to Seishirou, frowning. "Oh yeah, I nearly forgot! You didn't tell Monou about the photo-shoot, and I had to tempt him with Kamui to get him to come back!"

Seishirou shrugged, and doused on his cigarette. "I told 'the creature' to tell him. I didn't know where he was."

Mokona slapped her hand to her forehead, 'the creature' obviously being Kotori – why did everyone despise the girl so much? She wasn't _that _bad, was she? But then again, Apapa didn't see her often seeing as how Kotori had been killed off in the manga. "Don't call Kotori that." She scolded, and Seishirou shrugged, his dark glasses hiding his expression. "And you were supposed to tell Fuuma, not Kotori."

"Oh well."

Suddenly annoyed by the man's stoic behavior and careless attitude, Mokona leapt up and wrapped an arm around behind his throat, shoving him down and bending him in an odd, but not painful angle. Seishirou gasped in surprise and his sunglasses fell off. Immediately, before he could escape, or think of trying, Mokona began to tickle his stomach. Seishirou convulsed as if with a seizure, and began gasping with laugher slightly edged with pain. "S-Stop!" But Mokona didn't stop and Seishirou shook harder in her grip until he fell completely lax and was only left panting. She let go of him, and he trembled as he tried to regain control of himself, standing only to fall back against the black entrance gate as he looked at Mokona, chest heaving.

"That's for being a brat."

Seishirou gave her a dark look, and held his stomach, bowing his head, still quaking.

Mokona then noticed Kamui walking up to meet her, looking pensive, which was nothing new.

"Fuuma woke up." He announced, and then glanced at Seishirou, who was still shaking faintly. "What the hell happened to you?" He asked with a sneer.

"Kid, if you like the way your jaw is, I would recommend you _shut it_." Seishirou hissed quietly.

Kamui rolled his eyes and said off handedly, "Looks like some one forgot to take their happy pills-" The look Seishirou tossed him abruptly silenced him. Kamui knew _exactly _how much he could annoy Seishirou before the man snapped and did some thing violent to him – and it was pretty much a good sign to shut up when Seishirou gave him that murderous stare.

Mokona whacked Kamui over the head. "Behave, you!" Kamui whimpered and rubbed the spot where he'd been hit – it didn't hurt so much as it was unexpected. Mokona fumed, "Is Fuuma okay now?"

"Okay enough to work a camera." Kamui said sourly. Mokona cheered,

"Woo! Good enough for me! Seishirou, go fetch Subaru!"

"…why?" Seishirou inquired.

"Because I'm clamp and that means I'm god and my word is law so you must obey now_ FLEE_!"

o

o

Luckily, it had been Okawa who had been chosen among the suitors to drive. Fuuma, Kamui, Subaru, and Seishirou, were all greatly relieved for this. Hokuto had also decided to tag along, and had dragged Kakyou. A van the car might be - everyone was pretty crunched, with Seishirou, Subaru and Hokuto sitting in the seat meant for two in the first row of the back, and Kakyou, Fuuma, Kamui, all sitting in the far back row. Mokona was in the passenger seat up front and Okawa of course, in the driver's seat - who remained silent while Mokona gave Fuuma a look through the rearview mirror that meant 'if she's dead you're dead'.

Fuuma was too preoccupied with the fact Kamui was squished up to his right side. He simpered and drew his dark hand to touch the younger boy on the thigh – and immediately Kamui slapped his hand away, giving the teenager a venomous look. Fuuma smiled innocently.

Kakyou was crying in the far left, sniffling loudly, and blowing his nose on the sleeve of his expensive kimono.

Kamui made a disgusted face. "Will you _shut up_?" He asked the dreamseer, eyes narrowing at the man.

Kakyou merely looked at him from across Fuuma with red rimmed eyes, and then buried his face into his hands, sobbing harder.

"U-Uh… is he _okay_?" Subaru asked cautiously, as Seishirou drew an arm protectively around the younger man's shoulders, pulling him close. Subaru didn't notice as he tried to turn his head enough to get a better look at Kakyou, concern written all over his features.

Hokuto laughed and waved her hand at her brother. "Subaru-chan, Kakyou is _always_ like that!"

"A-Always?" Subaru asked, horrified, still not noticing just how close Seishirou was pulling him. "He's always crying?"

Kakyou wailed and groaned as tears streamed down his cheeks, and he flopped against the glass window, hiccupping and beating his fist lightly against the door.

"Don't worry about it Subaru, the guy is a loser." Kamui said cheerfully, and tried to reach his hand out to touch the back of Subaru's neck, which was rather exposed - he was close enough, just sitting behind the onmyoji, and he could almost reach – touch Subaru's bare, beautiful skin –

His hand lit on fire.

"M-My hand!" He yelled, waving it frantically, gasping in shock. "Oh my god!" He continued to wave it back and forth, shrieking as the red flame increased from the exposure of more air.

Fuuma grabbed Kamui by the forearm, trying to calm him, and Okawa yelled,

"_Seishirou!_ No magic in the car damn it! This is the authentic Tokyo Babylon van!"

"Kamui!"

"It's okay, it's okay, I put it out!" Fuuma assured the worried male Sumeragi – the female one who looked as if she was trying to hide her giggles. Kamui was panting, hard, but his hand looked surprisingly undamaged. Okawa made a dirty look and cast it at Seishirou, along with Mokona. Seishirou smiled pleasantly and tugged Subaru closer, the younger male nearly on his lap by now. Subaru was too worried to notice.

Mokona warned, "Seishirou, if you do that again we're killing you off in Tsubasa too."

Seishirou pouted and clung onto his onmyoji possessively. Subaru squirmed.

Hokuto was a fit of giggles, and she turned to look at Kamui who was – still panting, still stunned – as Fuuma rubbed his hand up and down the smaller boy's back. She grinned wickedly, and Kamui gave her a look that could make the most fearsome of men run crying.

Fuuma's hand slipped a little further down his back then it was supposed to, and Kamui grit his teeth and punched him right in the shin. Fuuma gasped a huge swallow of air and slid away, holding his crouch and bending down, moaning in pain.

"Subaru, I'm fine." Kamui assured, and touched Subaru's shoulder – Subaru looked at Kamui as best he could and smiled slightly. Kamui smirked and ran his hand up and down Subaru's shoulder. Suddenly uncomfortable Subaru broke the stare and scooted closer to Seishirou (much to Seishirou's delight) and tried to hide himself in the man's broader body. Kamui frowned, leant back, and crossed his arms.

Wincing, Fuuma slowly sat up… "I know you didn't mean that."

Kamui readied his fist and Fuuma drew as far away as he could.

"We're almost there!" Mokona announced happily as the beach came into view…

"Haha, Sex on the beach!" Seishirou cheered, and Fuuma burst out laughing.

o

o

o

o

This is getting off track, isn't it?

Anyway, sex whale © Shuu.

(My friend Shuu is amazing.)

Yeah, another abrupt place to leave off…

Next chapter: Will Kotori ever be saved! Will Fuuma ever get to bed Kamui? And where did all the other X characters go! And is Inuki _really_ invisible? Nya, will the author ever find the ultimate swirly straw? All in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Tsubasa fans, don't kill me.

Octopus fans, don't kill me.

And… Kotori fans… though I think if they existed they would have killed me last chapter.

_Hime_ means _Princess_. If you watch the tsubasa anime you should know this

I'm reallyreally sorry this took such a long time to update. (is kind of dead right now) It wasn't intentional. It wasn't even a lack of inspiration. I've been doing other stories and... etc. Just _busy_. I'm sorrysorrysorry...

Oh and, peeps, there's not going to be lemon in this fic. I would never put lemon in a humor fic.

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**Chapter 3**

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-

-

"What the hell? What the _hell _is all this? Is this _sand_? Is this shit going to get in my damn shoes?" Kamui prattled on angrily as he followed Fuuma out the door. Fuuma sighed melodramatically. …_If only I could get into his pants, it would cheer his ass up. _

Seishirou tugged Subaru out, arm slung around the other's shoulders. Subaru, who was still concerned about the dreamseer, kept trying to squirm away enough from Seishirou's grip to get a better look at the white-haired man, still in the van, still _crying._

Hokuto frowned in disproval and tugged on Kakyou's arm, groaning, "Commoooon Kakyou! You love the beach!"

Kakyou hiccupped, choked on his tears again, and then broke off into another loud sob.

"_Kakyou!! _You stop angsting this instant and you listen to me and listen to me good!_"_

Seishirou frowned at Hokuto's failing attempts at getting the king of angst to stop angsting. Becoming quickly bored with the display, Seishirou decided to distract himself; he tugged Subaru a bit closer, bent his head, and swiped his tongue across the younger man's ear. Subaru jumped with an "Eep!" his face flaming red with blush. He turned to Seishirou in embarrassment and disproval. "_Seishirou-san!_"

Seishirou merely purred against Subaru's throat and then brought both arms around him, tightening his hold.

Disgusted, Kamui jerked his face away.

"Fuuma!_ Get over here!_" Mokona snapped from the other side of the van. Fuuma sighed and walked around the car, wincing inwardly as he went. Okawa followed Fuuma, eyes dark and bordering anger.

Hokuto eventually gave up with trying to get Kakyou out the door, and instead she scurried out of the vehicle, hopping up to Seishirou's side and smiling mischievously at him. Seishirou returned her regard with a smirk of his own.

_They're up to something. _Kamui thought as he watched the spectacle from a safe distance. Seishirou then went around the van to the other side where Mokona, Okawa and Fuuma were, dragging Subaru with him. Hokuto followed, and, with an angry sigh, soon did Kamui.

"Alright. Where did you leave her?" Mokona almost growled. Fuuma nearly whimpered as he scanned the beach… and saw a round object, mopped with ugly, filthy, blond string... no... it was… _hair…_

"_Onii-chan_!" Kotori called in a spasm of delight, tossing her head back and forth in joy, smiling, teeth broken and visibly black even from the distance. Tears glistened in her eyes. "I knew you'd come back! _Oh!_ Onii-chan _--- OMIGOD **INDIGO**_!" She roared abruptly, eyes glowing red as she fixed her gaze on Kamui, a deep snarl of desire reverberating in her throat. Her hair morphed into the many snakes that was so much like medusa's; each snake hissing and snarling, biting, mouths gaping wide from hunger. Kotori's mouth was a perfect oval shape that screeched with desperation.

Fuuma began to sweat and glanced worriedly at Kamui, but Kamui just shrugged it off, and crossed his arms. "I'm not afraid of that bitch."

"Dear god," Subaru breathed as he watched the teenager growl like a lust maddening beast.

"It's alright, Subaru-kun." Seishirou said in mellow assurance, running a hand up and down Subaru's back. Subaru did not notice that Seishirou's hand was wandering slightly further down then it was supposed to, he was too enraptured by the horror evolving before his very eyes.

"_Ohohoho _Sei-chan," Hokuto elbowed Seishirou, a devilish look on her features. "You going in for the kill today?"

Seishirou smirked, "Perhaps."

"Wait, what are you two talking about?" Subaru interjected, raising an eyebrow at Seishirou and sister.

"Hehe, don't worry Su-ba-ru, Sei-chan knows what's he's doing!"

"_What?"_

"You can't lie, you're terrible at it. Subaru-kun, you argue with me but I know you so love it when I touch you like this…" Seishirou whispered into Subaru's ear, making the younger man's face turn hot. "…in the way you respond to me…" He placed delicate kisses along the younger man's jaw line, causing the onmyoji's body to tremble in an uncertainty of balance for a brief instant. Seishirou pulled back momentarily, grinning, as Subaru tried to clear his head. He swallowed, straightening.

"…Stop it, Seishirou-san. Not now."

"But later?"

Kamui's eyes narrowed in hatred, and he crossed his arms more tightly.

"Maybe."

Kamui pushed down a snarl of his own as he stared at Seishirou in a sidelong glance. _I want to kill him. I want to stab him in his sleep. I want to put poison in his food or hit with my car or – I just want him to **DIE.** _

Meanwhile, Mokona pointed at Kotori, buried in the sand still yet, her hair still of snakes and her eyes menacing with desire. Fuuma paled, and then his skin turned a sickly green. The sight alone made him want to vomit.

"Get. Her. Out. _Now_."

"_Please!_ Please no!" Fuuma begged, "I'll do _anything!_"

"No! I'm not cloning her again! It's your own fault for burying her in the first place!" Mokona rebuked, and then smacked Fuuma across the back of his head. "Get her out NOW."

Whimpering, his soul shattered, Fuuma wrapped his arms around himself and slowly made his way down the path of sand. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his body shook – he wrapped his arms more tightly around himself; as if trying to keep himself from physically collapsing. His legs were wavering with each step. He had the countenance of an abused puppy.

Kamui shook his head in repulsion as he watched Fuuma approach his demented sister. _Give me a break. _

Everyone was watching, save for Seishirou, who was too busy petting Subaru's fine ebony hair to really care whatsoever about the drama being played out.

Suddenly, a long, enormous, pinked tentacle with suction cups on the underside of it drove up from the water like a giant spear. It sprayed the water out around it in a monstrous wave, and with a single, deadly swipe, it locked itself around Kotori's face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Kotori screamed, her voice so ear shattering that everyone gasped in shock and covered their ears. (Except for Seishirou, who we all know is an exception to the rules of humanity.) Fuuma shrieked like a little girl and fell, and then kicked at the sand; fumbling and trying to propel himself away but his limbs somehow at odds while he was still in shock.

Another, identical tentacle struck out from the sea and locked around Kotori's face, muffling her screams.

"Is that... an _octopus_?" Seishirou questioned, his eyes widened in an extremely rare display of surprise.

"…holy… shit…" Hokuto said, then broke of in an explosion of laugher, hugging her stomach and bending over, trying to control her giggles.

"We need to get her out!!" Mokona said frantically. Fuuma, after crawling back to the car, was curled up in the sand, his back to one of the tires, crying, and clearly too traumatized to participate in the rescue.

There was a deep groaning sound from beneath the waves debts as the octopus tugged on Kotori's head, managing to drag her out of the sand as her body writhed in agony.

"Seishirou!" Mokona whirled around, and pointed towards Kotori. "Save her! _Quickly!_"

Seishirou cocked an eyebrow at the manga-ka. Then, to her absolute astonishment, he answered, "No, I don't think so."

"_WHAT?_"

Completely un-baffled by the woman's booming, shocked voice, Seishirou continued. "Subaru-kun is in need of more protection." He said simply as he pet Subaru's hair – the young man had his face buried in Seishirou's chest, and was shaking faintly, though Seishirou didn't seem the least bit worried that Subaru was having _another _breakdown within 24 hours. Instead he seemed quite pleased that the young man was clinging to his shirt so desperately.

"_Shit!_" Mokona yelled when the octopus gave a rough tug on Kotori's head and thus, popped it off like a Barbie's. It rolled away like a basketball into the water and then disappeared in the distance. Greedily the octopus's tentacles clutched at the remaining flesh and dragged it into the seas debts for dinner. Soon Kotori, corpse number 287, was out of sight.

"YAY!" Fuuma squeaked in sheer happiness and jumped up, twisting his body in a happy dance and hopping back and forth, tears streaming down his face from joy. "YESYES_YES_!"

"Oh _no you don't_," Mokona snarled, and stomped over to Fuuma, and grabbed him by the ear, causing him to let out a small whine of pain. She dragged him back by the ear to the van, and shoved him into the vehicle; not caring that he was literally thrown into the car and that his forehead made contact with Kakyou's with a hard thud. Dizzily he sat back, rubbing his head, eyes glazed.

Kakyou sniffled, rubbed his head, and then screamed:

"God, isn't my life _bad enough_?! You have to throw people at me too! W-Why! N-No o-one lov-v-e-es ma-ma-ma-ma-m-m---" Before Kakyou could finish his sentence, Kamui's pmsing powers kicked in and the violet eyed boy hoped into the van and shoved a fist full of sand down the dreamseer's throat.

This promptly silenced him for the rest of the day.

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Subaru was still traumatized, even after the car ride and the way back home, and Seishirou had to escort to the boy back to his apartment (this 'escorting' meaning he carried Subaru bridal-style through a busy Tokyo street while the boy was unconscious) and fed the dazed Sumeragi some medicine once there, then put him to bed. Hokuto soon came back from the hospital after that (she had to bring Kakyou to the hospital because his esophagus was clogged with sand) where she assured Seishirou she would take care of Subaru, and that he could go back to the set to have some more photographs taken.

Without Subaru Seishirou was finding the rest of work increasingly boring.

He sat away from the RV's; in a plastic chair out of the way from the photographing areas and just generally out of sight. It was still daylight outside, but the sun was beginning to hint at setting as the red hues played across the sky… Seishirou leaned back in the seat, watching, and leisurely pulling out a cigarette from his breast pocket along with his lighter. He put the white cylinder to his lips, lit it, and took a calm drag of smoke while he put the lighter away in his pocket.

He squinted – a figure was making its way towards him from the distance – tall, broad shouldered – Seishirou squinted more, and then frowned.

"Yes, Fuuma-kun?" Seishirou asked, leaning back further and crossing his legs elegantly, smoking as he did so.

Fuuma's face was dotted with bruises after being smacked repetitively by the members of CLAMP as punishment for killing off his sister. Again.

"You're going to fall if you lean back so far." He shot cryptically, obviously annoyed that he'd been punished and Seishirou hadn't.

Seishirou merely blew out a trail of smoke and leaned back further.

Fuuma sighed, searched around for another folded up plastic chair, found one, dragged it over, unfolded it, and sat besides Seishirou.

Silence passed. Seishirou remained apathetic while Fuuma became uncomfortable.

"…Can I have one?" He asked miserably, indicating to Seishirou's cigarette.

"No. You're underage."

"!! Like you give a _F#4K._ When the hell did you start smoking, when you were _five?_"

"I was seven."

Fuuma scoffed. "That's such a big difference. Yeah, I can see you, getting ready for elementary school. '_mommy, make sure to give me cigarettes with my lunch'_." Fuuma imitated in a whining trill of a voice.

It had the opposite effect he wanted. Seishirou choked for an instant and then broke off laughing, bending over, holding his stomach helplessly.

Soon, Fuuma was seeing the amusement of what he'd just said, and then he was laughing as well, the two of them shaking in mirth.

Seishirou calmed, leaning upright, he handed Fuuma a cigarette and passed him his lighter.

Relieved, Fuuma lit it and then handed Seishirou back his lighter, and they both smoked together in tranquility…

…**u.**n**.t**.i.l.…

"_Hime_!" A boy with shortly cropped brown hair skipped around in a half-run around the photography set. He was in anguish. He was _desperate._ He was _determined_ and _strong. _

He was a huge loser.

He was Syaoran Li of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles.

Fuuma exhaled grey smoke through his nostrils in a puff, and then took another drag of the cigarette, being much more relaxed now due to the nicotine.

"Hey, Sei," Fuuma elbowed his friend, and bobbed his head towards the teenager running around the set like a chicken without its head. "Isn't that _the_… " Fuuma simpered, lowering his voice, "…the _feather_ _hunte_r?"

Seishirou grinned, glanced at Syaoran - who was still running around in circles like a lunatic. He nodded, and inhaled the cigarette smoke with a lazy sigh.

"_Shut the fuck up you!!!" _One of the photographers had finally snapped, and he tossed one of his enormous lights at Syaoran. With a swift kick Syaoran blocked the attacked, did a pose, let the wind run through his hair, and then pretended he was actually cool.

"Jesus, who the _hell_ does that guy think he is?" Fuuma complained. "What does he_ think_… does he think he's from **_X_**? The guy is originally from _Card Captor Sakura _and he thinks he's such a little badass.

"Did you hear the name of his sword, Seishirou? What was it like… the fire-something? Does he think that's really cool? He must think that makes him so cool. 'oh look at me, I have a sword named after an element _DURDURDUR_, I'm _so _original.'"

Seishirou shrugged, then drawled, "…I really couldn't _care_," as he tossed the bud of his cigarette onto the pavement and snuffed it out with his shoe.

"And that Kurogane guy," Fuuma continued, ignoring Seishirou's bored stare. "That guy is _so_ pissed off all the time. And all that happened to him was that his mother was murdered. He didn't even really watch it. _Big fucking deal._ Kamui watched his mom burst into flames, his house burn down, he watched his aunt's clothes rip off and a sword burst from her stomach as she exploded into little pieces, then he watched Kotori's head get ripped off and her organs get slashed to pieces as the flesh and blood rained down on him, and then he watched _me _do it, his_ best _friend. Oh. And he also watched as I, as a child, licked my mother's blood from my hands as I held her decapitated head while having a glazed look in my eyes.

"Not to mention Kamui's been stabbed in so many places his body is running out of room to have scars."

"What Kamui-san has in physical pain Subaru-kun has in mental pain." Seishirou concluded simply, and lit another cigarette.

"I don't know, I think they're equal in the pain area."

Seishirou smirked cruelly, and exhaled a lacey whip of smoke that curled in the air. "_Heh_, Kamui-san will _never_ be equal to my Subaru-kun, not in pain nor in anything else."

Fuuma rolled his eyes. "Alright." Lord knew Seishirou could elaborate on why Subaru was better then Kamui in an infinite amount of detail. He didn't want to be the one to get him started. He smirked then. "That fai guy is _cute_ though."

"The blonde mage?"

"Yeah. I would bang him."

"He's too powerful, knows too much," Seishirou inhaled smoke. "Hassle to control. But I agree in that he is cute."

Fuuma grinned. "Anyway," He began with another sigh, and pointed off at Syaoran, who was thrusting his sword through the wind and yelling '_hime, hime_!!' as he did so. "About that guy… I think I know something… _fun_ to do with him."

"Oh?" Seishirou asked, but his voice was bland and dull of any interest.

"Just go along with it," Fuuma grinned. "It'll be hilarious."

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"You know of one of hime's feathers!?" Syaoran screeched with joy. Seishirou looked malevolent.

"Yes, I do know of one of your precious 'hime's' feathers." He managed to say with keeping the sarcasm from his voice.

"Let's go!" Syaoran yelled jovially, and wrapped his arm around Seishirou shoulders. He soon learned this was a mistake when Seishirou grabbed him by the wrist and twisted his arm around so much the joint popped from the socket.

"G-Gyaaah!" Syaoran bellowed in pain and fell to his knees, curling up on the ground.

"I should have you know, _little boy_, that I am a senior to you by several years and I will not tolerate you touching me in_ any_ manner." Seishirou kicked Syaoran in the waist. "Is that clear?"

Syaoran gasped in pain. "Y-Yes… s-sir…" He coughed up blood.

Unsympathetic, Seishirou crossed his arms and waited for the teenager (who he still couldn't believe was the same age as Kamui. At least Kamui wasn't so childish, as much as he wanted to strangle that brat.) to get a hold on himself and stand up. Syaoran wobbled when finally managing to stand, and hugged onto his abused stomach.

Sakura, originally Sakura Kimonoto, but now Sakura _Clow_ of Tsubasa, bolted over, tears glistening her eyes. In that whining, overtly girlish voice of hers, she screamed, "_Syaoran-kun_!"

"_Hime!_"

"Syaoran-kun!"

"Hime!"

"SYAORAN-KUN!"

"HIME!"

Seishirou slid out of Sakura's proximity as the girl bounced on the balls of her feet, burst into tears, and wrapped her arms around Syaoran. Syaoran patted the girl's back and whispered soothing words into her ear.

"S-Syaor-ran-kun.. y-you were gone for… f-five whole minutes… s-syaoran-kun…" She choked off in a sob.

"It's all right, Hime. I found a man who knows of your feathers."

Sakura peered up into Syaoran's face, face covered in tracks of tears. She sniffled. "P-Please be careful. P-Please… I'm so weak… I can't do anything to help…"

_You don't even try. _Seishirou thought while lighting his third cigarette.

"It's all right, Hime." Syaoran whispered, and held her face between her hands. They stared deep into the eternal debt of the other's eyes, lost in their own worlds of broken love…

"Hurry up before I change my mind. On the count of 10. 10. 9. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1-"

"I must go, hime," Syaoran said melodramatically. Sakura nodded, and more tears welled up in her eyes and fell like little sparkles down her face. She hiccupped. "B-Be careful."

"I will. For I must survive. I must get back all the feathers, for they are needed by a person very special to me. I must-"

Seishirou grabbed Syaoran by the hair and dragged him off the photo-shoot set.

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"This is the place where the feathers are located?" Syaoran asked, his eyes hardened, mouth drawn into a thin, firm line as he stood in front of the closed door Seishirou had led him too.

"What?" Seishirou asked as he licked his fudge-topped vanilla ice-cream.

"Will you take this _seriously, please_?"

"I am always serious, _little boy_ – " Seishirou stopped abruptly, staring at his ice-cream, his whole body taut and straight. Syaoran stopped in surprise. Seishirou's amber eyes narrowed as his jack-o-latern smirk slipped across his face, and he then purred, "…She gave me an _extra_ cherry…" With a swift chomp he ate the tiny red morsel.

In doing so, he ended up smearing some of the black fudge on his face. Seishirou was still smirking, and an unexpected shudder ran up Syaoran's spine as he watched the man lick the chocolate from his face in a sinuous curl of his tongue. His face heated, and he jerked his gaze back to the closed door.

Noticing what effect he was having on the boy, Seishirou finished the last of the ice-cream with slow caresses of his tongue, more pronounced, and purposely let the white vanilla smear on his face several times. By the time he was finished Syaoran's cheeks were flushed red and his breathe was coming faster then normal.

Seishirou took Syaoran by the arm (which had miraculously healed) and spun him around, pushing the boy's back against the wall. Syaoran gulped and quivered.

Seishirou bent down, his cheek nuzzling the teenager's jaw, lips just centimeters from his ear… "Do you find me _arousing_?" He murmured.

"I-I'm _straight_." Syaoran whimpered and tried to back up further into the door, but this only made him look more cornered and helpless.

Seishirou chuckled against his ear, his breath tickling his hair. An electric jolt sent Syaoran blushing even deeper red. "You know that's _impossible._ You're a clamp character."

"I-It certainly_ is_ possible!" Syaoran barked, desperate to get the man away from him so he could go back into his imaginary bubble where women were only attractive. His sexuality was on the point of collapsing when Seishirou's hand trailed up and down his hip and down the side of his stomach, creating a horribly wonderful sensation that he had to force himself not to arch into.

"_Please_," Seishirou's voice reverberated in a deep echo. "Even minor characters of clamp aren't straight. And you cannot deny you are enjoying this," When Seishirou's hand pulled up his shirt and touched his stomach, he couldn't help it, he arched into the touch.

Seishirou then pulled back, leaving him abandoned. Syaoran was a wreck of trembling human flesh and red-stained cheeks.

"I just proved it." Seishirou smiled.

This was when Syaoran decided he hated Sakurazuka Seishirou.

Before he could do anything about this new found revelation, however, the door behind him swung open, and his attention was diverted entirely.

"The feathers!! Hime!"

Syaoran cried and then bolted in through the door. Seishirou followed after, and closed the door behind him.

The brown haired boy observed his surroundings desperately, fists clenched at his sides, his body trembling. Fuuma was seated on the bed, and Seishirou glanced at him, crossed his arms, and waited.

"I know of your feathers.." Fuuma whispered.

"Tell me where they are!" Syaoran demanded.

Fuuma slid off the bed and with an odd jerk, he threw a pillow at Seishirou, and took a pillow in his own hand, and smacked Syaoran across the face.

Syaoran soon began screaming as Fuuma and Seishirou mercilessly beat him with pillows, feathers ripping out of the cloth, flying all around as the boy's cries filled the whole room.

"HAHAHA! HERE'S YOUR DAMN FEATHERS!" Fuuma yelled while smacking the pillow across Syaoran's face and eliciting another scream from the boy.

When he was finally rendered unconscious, both Fuuma and Seishirou stepped aside to see their work.

Fuuma bent down. "Help me pick him up." Obediently Seishirou knelt down and picked up Syaoran by the feet, while Fuuma took his head and shoulders. Carefully they walked to the open window and…

Tossed him right out it.

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"I wonder if that lady is selling any more ice-cream…" Seishirou said offhandedly while he and Fuuma sat side-by-side together on the bed, feathers still littering the floors.

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A/N: This story is so… unpredictable.

Today is a I don't care day. I'll fix the layout for this chapter when I care.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This story seriously does not have a plot anymore. Oh well. You will not understand the first joke if you have not seen the size of apartments in Tokyo.

This chapter is so… tinsy... but I didn't know where to continue. I'll start up again when I get some ideas. Anyway, I just wanted to update._ Really_ wanted to. So be happy.

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The Funeral

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They had shaped the tombstone into a feather in honor of Syaoran's achievements. Well, his only achievement any of them knew about.

The epitaph read in large, bold characters 'he liked feather. And Sakura - The _person_'

"We are gathered here today…" The priest began again. Seishirou wondered why on earth they were having a western styled funeral, but it really wasn't that big of a deal. He wrapped both his arms around Subaru's shoulders and chest, using the boy's head as a chinrest while keeping the Sumeragi locked in his arms and unable to escape if he wished. _Not_ that he wished it.

"T-This is.. so horrible…" Subaru whispered. "He was so young…" as he stared onward at the coffin ready to be brought down into the Earth.

Western traditions were rather strange, Seishirou mused. What was the point of putting the body in the ground? He always believed that when a body was burned its spirit would float up into the afterlife through the smoke. To put the body in the ground, well… it didn't make sense at all, really…

It was annoying that the members of clamp had required many of their characters to attend the funeral. Otherwise Seishirou would have never allowed Subaru to find out about the feather hunter's death.

Kamui stared at the closed coffin. "You know, that would make a really nice apartment. Decent size."

"It's a waste," Fuuma agreed. Kamui whipped around and snapped,

"Did I ask _you_, bitch!?"

The priest sighed. Teenagers.

"Kamui, stop it!" Mokona ordered. With a cruel hiss at Fuuma Kamui calmed, crossing his skinny arms across his chest in rebellion, glaring. Fuuma looked crestfallen.

"…we are gathered here today…" The priest began for the fifth time.

"That prick didn't even get all my feathers." Sakura snapped in her girlish, annoying voice. "I bang him and what do I get? Oh, 20 feathers. Fucking wonderful. I don't even know what killed him. I give him a little hug and he bounds off to get a feather and then the jerk gets himself _killed_. _God_! What do I have to do to find a decent man in this country?!"

Seishirou felt Subaru flinch in his arms, and hugged him more tightly, glancing at the girl apathetically.

"That's quite enough, Sakura!" Mokona yelled from the other side of the coffin. Having given up, the priest tossed the bible off wherever it would land and went for the cigarette break he had desperately needed for the past five hours.

"Whatever!" Sakura snapped. "I'm sick of this crap! I'm going to go live my _dream_!"

There was a long pause.

Fuuma was the one to break it. "And that is…?"

"I'm going to be a _porn star_!" And with that last declaration, a 360 black Ferrari drove across the cleanly cut lawn, putting tire marks in it, knocking over decorations, drinks and banners dedicated to Syaoran on the way, until it halted right next to Sakura.

The hood slowly lifted, revealing a young man, probably in his twenties, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"Hey baby," He greeted to Sakura.

Jovially Sakura hopped over the door and threw herself into the car. "I'll see ya'll later! Just wait! I'm going to be the sexiest woman in Japan!" With a squeal of wheels, the car drove off.

"…Aw man, I should have asked her how much she was for a night." Fuuma murmured.

"I-I.. I-I can't believe… that just happened…" Subaru whispered, stunned. Seishirou kissed the top of his head, hoping he wasn't too traumatized. He really didn't want to go another day of work without Subaru-kun, it just wasn't entertaining at all.

Then a thought occurred to him.

"You know…" Seishirou began, "It always sounded like she was having an orgasm when one of those feathers went through her."

A long moment of silence followed, almost as if the enlightment was seeping into them, slowly, until it reached to their minds.

Fuuma's eyes went very wide. "Oh my god you're right…"

Kamui's face had gone surprisingly pale, and he looked torn between anger and disgust. "I _hate_ to admit it… but he _is_…" he mumbled quietly, "so _that's_ why she wanted all those feathers…"

Nataku looked puzzled. "What's an orgasm?" As soon as he asked this question, a smile grew on Fuuma's countenance, and he wrapped an arm around the genderless creature's shoulders.

"…I can teach you what an orgasm is, Kazuki_, every_ step of the way." He purred.

Nataku's eyes shined with awe, and he looked up into Fuuma's face. "I want to learn, daddy."

"I'll have you know I have that purring _copy written_" Seishirou murmured darkly from the other side of the coffin. "Unless you want to be fined for 20 trillion yen, I suggest you never do it again."

"Seishirou-san _poser_…" Subaru whispered, looking cynical.

There was a loud clatter of metal, and everyone's thoughts froze as they turned to look at the source.

Sorata was trying to set up an outdoor grill.

"_What _are you doing?!" Mokona yelled. "This is a _funeral_!"

"I know but… but I'm hungry…" He reasoned, and attempted to stand it up on its four metal legs, a plastic bag full of streaks in the crook of his arm.

"NO! You're not cooking anything here!"

Kamui glanced at all the ruined décor and shrugged. "All the food's ruined, and it's the only reason why most of us came here."

"I'm hungry also." Seishirou said innocently.

Mokona just about exploded, and she ended up karate kicking the grill out onto the freeway. Not a single car stopped for the unknown flying object, and as soon as it hit the road it was demolished within seconds.

"Oh my god my grill!" Sorata burst out, dropping to his knees and sobbing for his deceased friend. "N-No… w-why…"

Subaru trembled faintly as he watched chaos break out. "Seishirou-san..." Subaru whimpered in his shaky, desperate, uke voice that would make any sane person want to tie him up to a bedpost and do $&!!# to him all night long. "I want to leave."

"You don't have to ask the bastard, Subaru." Kamui said in a surprisingly kind voice. "You can just leave."

"Ah, you should never take advice from a whore, Subaru-kun." Seishirou murmured as he snuggled up against the crown of the onmyoji's head. this elicited many 'awwws' from the stalking fans in the background

"_What_ did you call me?!"

"_No one's going anywhere_!!" Mokona yelled, her voice fuming. "_Damnit,_ where did that priest go?!"

"M-My grill… m-my poor grill… I-It was so young.. I-I only unwrapped it y-yesterday…" Sorata sobbed.

"Oooohh daddy… I like orgasms…"

"Seishirou! NO SMOKING AT THE FUNERAL!"

"I hate my life…"

"URG! Kamui!! GET BACK HERE!"

"Oh god, _daddy_…"

"NO TAKING OFF ANY CLOTHES!"

"Kamui, do you want a beer?"

"NO DRINKING!"

"Sure, thanks. What kind is this?"

"Can I have some?"

"THAT'S IT!!"

**Boom.**

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"Kakyou!" Hokuto poked her head in to the dreamseer's room, a cheerful smile alighting her face. "How're you doing?!" She bounced over to his bedside, the frills of her skirt shaking with her in a colorful display; probably just about the most colorful thing in the entire hospital.

Kakyou glanced up at her, slowly, eyes rimmed-red and hair looking not as beautiful as usual from being in a hospital for so long. However, other then the cast around his throat, he looked perfectly normal.

"W-Why---Why—" He began immediately, choking and coughing as he whispered the word. "W-Why—do I g-g-g—" A sob, "gotta—st-tay here?" Tears began to flood down his cheeks, his face burning red as he gagged, gasped and sobbed, his entire body trembling as if on the verge of collapse.

"Kamui shoved sand down your throat, remember? Don't want to get a sand infection!" Hokuto answered optimistically, and sat down at the edge of his bed, smiling sweetly at him as she set her purse down on her lap. "I brought you strawberries! They were actually on _sale_! They're so good. Have you ever had them, Kakyou?"

Kakyou took a deep breathe. "I-I-I—" He swallowed, and cried outright. "W..Want to lea-a..ve!"

"aw, but the doctor says you need to stay for another day, for more examinations. What's so bad about it, Kakyou? You're safe from Kamui here."

"T-The.. D-D…" He breathed in once, slowly, and shook. "D-Doctor.. I-Isn't e…e..v..an… asian! H-He's c—c—crazy! A-A c—c--..crazy w-white person!"

"_Mmmm_, these strawberries are so yummy." Hokuto said, appeased by the juicy, bitter-sweet taste as she chomped on a strawberry. She turned to face her lover once more, concerned. "You _sure_ you don't want one, Kakyou?"

"H—H--…ok-kuto…" Kakyou whispered, tears in his eyes. He stopped, eyes widening like a deer in headlights. "H-Hide me!!"

"Hmm, Kakyou?"

"HE'S COMING!!" Kakyou hollered, and began to gag.

Just as he did a pleasant looking man entered the room, blond, green-eyed, and tall. Definitely_ not_ Japanese. He seemed to have a little bounce in his step as he approached Kakyou's bed. Hokuto liked him immediately, and wondered briefly if she had brought her birth control pills. (You never know when a hot bishie is walking down the street.)

"You feeling any better, Kuzuki-san?" He asked with a grin. He had an accent, but Hokuto couldn't place it. "I see you're not hyperventilating like last time I… oops, nevermind."

Ignoring her hysterical boyfriend, Hokuto put on her best 'for-sale' smile, and said in 'English' (commonly known as 'Engrish' in Japan). "Herro."

"Ah, I don't speak English, mam'. You're Kazuki-san's girlfriend, Sumeragi-san, right?" He asked briefly while looking at clipboard, a small frown on his face as he mused.

Hokuto was surprised. "What _do_ you speak then? What country are you from?"

The man looked up, and he was grinning to himself, and hummed, "_I don't even know_, y'know? There's so many European countries, I forgot which one I'm from, or even how I got here. Hahaha!"

And he started laughing hysterically, maddeningly, so loudly the whole hospital must have heard it. Hokuto joined him, if just for the sake of laughing. They were soon 'rofl' while Kakyou remained on the bed, breathing like a fish that had been just kicked out of its ocean.

Hokuto suddenly paused, as she sat up from the floor. "No, seriously. Where are you from?"

The man smiled. "I _was_ serious."

_He's even more amazing then I realized. _

And Kakyou remained on the bed, untreated, paralyzed with fright, feverish, and going into shock, while the heart monitor attached to him beeped wildly.

Hokuto and 'the doctor' began to talk about random, mundane things (like food), and Hokuto began realizing the more she spoke to the stranger, the more she wanted to bang him.

When Kakyou's heart monitor shrilled loudly in the mist of their conversation, the doctor finally glanced up, and stood from the floor, dusting himself off. "Haha, almost forgot about Mr. emo here!" He announced happily.

"What's emo?"

"Emotional madness obesity insanity. It's an _extremely_ severe disorder." He explained gravely, and then took out a gigantic syringe from his pocket. He looked over Kakyou with an expression of sincerity. "We'll just give him' a little horse tranquilizer, and he'll be as good as new."

Hokuto contemplated to herself. "_Emo_, huh? Sounds like something my brother might have... but where does the 'insanity' come from? It's not in the abbreviation." She pointed out, voice perked with curiosity.

The doctor shrugged. "Ah, I felt like adding it," he said, while shoving the syringe into Kakyou's throat. Kakyou's body began to spasm and convulse, until he abruptly went limp. The doctor patted Kakyou on the head. "There you' go."

Hokuto bit her lip, unable to contain her excitement. "Are you free in the next hour, doctor?"

The man paused, and moved lithely towards Hokuto, before kneeling in front of her and taking her hand. "For _you_, I'm always free."

"_Oh_…" She gasped, and stopped, and looked at the doctor's name on the pin attached to his shirt. In a little breathy gasp she whispered… "_Mark_… You're so romantic."

Abruptly, a nurse shuffled into the room, and announced. "Doctor! We just brought in a number of patients who were injured in a serious explosion! We need you in the **ER** ASAP!"

"Can't you see I'm a BIT _BUSY_?!" Mark exploded. "You're _fired_!"

The nurse's eyes widened in horror, and soon tears slipped from her eyes; as if they were the diamonds of her happiness, streaking her face with pain and agony as they left her. She threw her clipboard across the room, and ran down the hallway sobbing.

"Haha, what a loser." Hokuto snickered.

"I know. I don't know why I didn't fire her sooner. Loser graduated from _Tokyo University, _and she had high recommendations from her professors, was in the top percentile, and all that garbage. She obviously had no life of her own."

Hokuto was playing with the lapels of Mark's coat. "Who cares, sweetie? Let's _ditch_ this joint."

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Chp 5**

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The explosion at Syaoran's funeral had been devastating. Fatal even, to some. Well, fatally hungry and lataii-less. Kamui glared at the ceiling in the darkness, his countenance distorting in extreme anger.

"_Will Subaru-kun be alright?" Seishirou had asked from his position on the bed while half naked nurses fanned and cooed over him. _

"_He'll be fine, Sakurazuka-san." A nurse had reassured. _

"_He doesn't like to be alone," Seishirou pointed out. "Can you move me? I'll pay extra. To all of you. _Privately_." The Sakurazukamori leered._

_The nurse speaking to him giggled and flushed red. "Really, Sakurazuka-san! Is it that important?"_

_Seishirou had looked aside then, worriedly. (Fucking faker_, Kamui had thought, and was secretly pleased with how well that phrase fit Seishirou._) "It's really quite important."_

Seishirou had managed to land in the same room as Kamui, which was blissfully _wonderful_. Kamui remembered snapping at that point 'getoverityoubigfucking_baby_.' The nurses had looked at him in astonishment for his language. (_Haven't you ever seen a teenager before, lady?_) And they were less eager to come to his – well,_ their_ room – his _and_ Seishirou's – to pretty much pamper Seishirou like he was a god. Much grapes were fed, feathers fanned, but when they brought in the crown as the finally and announced Seishirou as the 'sexiest patient we've ever had in this damned hospital', Kamui had just about had enough.

He seethed beneath his blankets, bidding his time until night, when Seishirou would fall asleep. He knew the bastard was watching him, probably waiting to be able to make the first move. _I'll show you. _

Seishirou was tired. He'd been given too much medication – he'd broken both his legs in the explosion, and he was on life support. He desperately needed the sleep, but he didn't want to fall asleep in the proximity of Kamui. Unlike himself, Kamui wasn't seriously injured and was capable of doing _something_ – Seishirou didn't know what, yet – _when_ he was asleep. That was very bad indeed.

His forces were crumbling, though. Too strong medication was overpowering his iron will, and his eyes were near closing. He would close his eyes – for just a second. The strain in the darkness was making him dizzy…

Kamui grinned excitedly when he heard Seishirou's breath become slow and even within his oxygen mask. He waited a few minutes, pondering to himself what he should do. His grin widened with every terrible thought, and he forcibly kept himself from rolling over and squealing excitedly into his pillow.

_All those years of humiliation – tonight, I'll get you back for them. _

He remembered the first time he'd met Seishirou…

Xxflashbackxx

Kamui, when he was young and innocent. He smiled sweetly at the members of clamp, his cheeks staining red as he fiddled nervously.

"I-I… I want the part of Kamui because…." He mumbled.

Mokona immediately swooned. "You're hired!"

Kamui's eyes widened in disbelief. "But—But—" the entire speech he'd spent the days and nights and months writing, preparing, for this moment. It was not needed?

"You're so cuuuute." Mokona cooed as she hopped over to Kamui, and wrapped her arms around him, a happy smile on her face. "You're perfect!"

This was precisely when arrogance began to pollute Kamui's mind.

"_Really_, Mokona. You didn't even give him a chance to speak." Satsuki commented, eyes cryptic.

"Be silent! I do the characterization here, not you. Remember how we got _Subaru_?"

Kamui blinked. "Who's Subaru?"

Mokona sighed sadly… "_Who's Subaru_… Who is Subaru, really? A kind onmyoji, or the shadow of something _darker_? And now, that he's been destroyed – will he ever be himself again?"

Kamui forced away his disturbed expression. _This woman needs help. _

"Oh yes, I remember _exactly_ how you got Subaru." Satsuki snorted. "You saw Hokuto on a train, began talking, and eventually offered her a cream-filled donut in exchange for her brother's soul - which you had never even met before."

"It was a good deal."

"That donut was _mine!_ I sent you out to buy it for me! And you gave it to some… _broad_!"

Mokona gaped. "_Satsuki_! I didn't even know you were _capable _of such language!"

"Well, she is!"

"Yeah, she slept with my husband!" A voice cried from outside.

Mokona sighed angrily, and rubbed her temples. When she opened her eyes again, they were full of fury.

"SEISHIROU!" She yelled. There was no response. Kamui trembled and curled up into a ball. "SEISHIROU! March yourself in here right now!"

About a minute later, a young man strode into the room, buttoning up his shirt as he approached CLAMP, a lazy grin on his face. His hair was ruffled, yet clean, and the right side of his neck sported a dark bruise and bite mark.

Kamui's first impression was that whoever this stranger was, that they were extremely attractive, and he would have cut off one of his limbs to sleep with them.

Once his shirt was buttoned up, he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back out. "You called for me, madame?"

"Aren't you supposed to be guarding the premises? Some lady just yelled from outside! They're eavesdropping on us! You shouldn't be leaving your post to do…" Seishirou looked aside and rubbed the bruise on the side of his neck. "Whatever it is you're doing!" Mokona spun around in distaste. "I can't believe you, Seishirou…" Her voice broke off into a sob. "I trust you to guard this place… and you're having…you're having -- s—s—"

"Sex?"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Seishirou sighed, and cautiously moved towards Appapa – stopping when he was just behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and rubbed down her arms soothingly. It seemed to Kamui that their ages had been switched. This "Seishirou" couldn't have been no older then seventeen – and Mokona was in her early thirties.

"And I techniqually wasn't having sex. Only my shirt came off. Don't think so lowly of me." Seishirou smiled easily and rubbed along the curves of Mokona's body.

"...You're so _dirty_, Seishirou…"

"But dirty in a_ very_ clean way." Seishirou purred. Kamui had never heard a human being purr before, but the throaty sound that came out of Seishirou's mouth when he spoke could be described in no other way.

"Um, hello? I'm still here." Kamui spoke up, annoyed to be ignored. He stood from his seat. "When do you want to start working?"

Seishirou, who was only just beginning to massage, caress and swoon his boss over 100 degree Fahrenheit levels, half smiled, half smirked at Kamui, before backing away from his now swooned boss (who had now completely forgotten why she'd called Seishirou in the first place) and snuck out of view. "Um," Mokona fanned herself with her hand, her face red. "Um… I don't know… Satsuki, when should we start?"

Satsuki sighed. "Tomorrow would be good."

"Tomorrow it is then!" Mokona announced happily. By now Seishirou had crept out of the room and went back to making out with whoever he'd been making out with. (Subaru.)

-

-

_Wait, no, this isn't when I started hating him... _

Kamui, now back in the real world, glared at the much sleeping Seishirou, as if the older man were to be blamed for his memory loss problems.

_I don't even need a reason. This asshole is the root of all evil. _

Kamui looked around the blackened room, his heart pounding from adrenalin.

_Where is that… that…life support cord… damnit, it's dark in here…_

He looked around hurriedly, in fear of being caught by one of the nurses. Quickly he ducked and knelt himself on the floor, trying to find the life support cord among the various wires. He felt like he was in an electronic jungle. His fingers fumbled and pulled at any cord he could reach.

Abruptly footsteps thudded near his door. Kamui froze in fear in spite of himself, just as he was reaching for another cord. There were whispered, hushed voices, and a loud, annoying, sobbing voice that could only belong to one person and one person alone.

"INUKI! Oh _INUKI_!" The girl screamed hysterically, and Kamui could hear her feet tapping as she bolted down the hall. "NO! It can't be true! INUKI!"

"Yuzuhira!" Sorata's voice called for her. Kamui could hear him sigh, but he didn't move significantly otherwise.

There was a long pause, one in which Kamui's heart began to pump even more erratically as he tried to remain as still as possible while wondering when Sorata was going to move or speak.

"Y'know missy… I've always wanted to have sex in a hospital."

Kamui's head slammed on the floor. His heart had just exploded.

"No."

"_Please_? With cake and sugar and icecream and a_ million_ cherries on to-"

"_No."_

"Why not?"

"_Because_."

"Because why? Common… don't you find me attractive? Am I too ugly for you?"

"That's _not _why Sorata!"

"I can't believe the miss said something with enough life in it to require an exclamatory mark! And she said my first name!" Sorata cried out with glee.

"Sorata you were supposed to get Kamui."

"Oh, oh yeah!" Kamui flinched and immediately bolted to his bed in record time, snapped the covers over himself and shut his eyes in an attempt at impersonating sleep. His skin was beginning to prespirate.

Sorata jollily entered the room, took one or two seconds to find the light switch, then flicked it on.

"Hey, they put Kamui and Sakurazuka-san in the same room. That's a bit dangerous don't you think?"

Arashi glared like she was about to burst into flames from the simple, meager comment.

Sorata sighed, exasperated at trying to make the stone-like woman smile. He wandered over to Kamui's bed.

_God damnit, Sorata, I'm going to get you back later for this… _

Sorata's hands shot out and gripped Kamui's shoulders with a near painful force, and he jerked the teenager back and forth.

"Wake up Kamui! We have an emergency."

"Let. The. Fuck. Go." Kamui's eyes had opened and he was practically radiating wrath.

"A-Ah --- okay." Sorata pulled back nervously.

Kamui slowly sat up, and tried to calm himself. He wanted to strangle Sorata. A quick glance at Seishirou was all it took to know the man was alive. A thought bubble with dancing ice cream cones was floating over his head.

"Look, Kamui." Sorata began. Kamui glared furiously. "Inuki got hit by a car just now."

"I don't give a shit." Was his immediate reply.

"But Yuzuhira-chan is sobbing out in the street," Sorata continued.

"Good, I hope _she_ gets hit by a car." With that said Kamui twisted in the other direction and pushed his blanket over his head. He wanted to sleep.

Sorata sighed, and left the hospital room to meet Yuzuhira outside.

Curious despite himself, Kamui grumbled and threw his blanket off, and wandered over to the window, where he had a perfect view of the dilemma going on outside.

"INUKI! INUKI! SPEAK TO ME!" Yuzuihira screamed as tears literally flooded out of her eyes. Though Kamui could see Inuki but he knew the people surrounding the girl couldn't.

"Get out of the goddamn road! Stupid bitch!" The man who had hit the dog yelled. The people in the cars behind him were yelling equally bad obscenities.

"Just run her over!"

"Why is she just sitting there crying? Damnit! I'm going to be late!"

Eventually Sorata and Arashi emerged, and they knelt by Yuzuhira, trying to comfort her as she had a mental breakdown. From what Kamui could see Inuki had been hit in the head and his neck had been broken.

Not long after some people from the hospital staff came out. Kamui couldn't hear what they were saying, but eventually they were grabbing Yuzuhira by the arms and trying to get her into a strait jacket. "No, no!" She yelled in protest, desperate to stay by Inuki's side.

"It's alright, don't worry, whatever it is we can_ talk _about it-"

"INUKI!" She screamed.

"Do you know this girl?" The doctor asked Sorata.

"Yes," He answered.

"What exactly is she crying about?"

"Um…." Sorata knew if he answered they'd put him in a strait jacket also. "I-I dunno."

"INUKI!!" She yelled before they tranquilized her and dragged her into the hospital.

Bored by this scene Kamui decided to go back to sleep.

meaNWhile

Fuuma had slept all throughout the day, and now he was too awake to go back to sleep despite the fact there wasn't any daylight. Subaru had been put in the same room as him, and it was sort of bothersome to have someone as beautiful as Subaru in such a close proximity and in such a vulnerable state. It was sort of like being told you couldn't have a slice of the delicious cake on the table right next to your face. But Fuuma controlled himself despite the image of Subaru tied by the wires of the hospital equipment, from his wrists to those long, slender legs of his, with thick bandaging wrapped around his mouth to keep his moans silen—

_Goddamnit. _Fumma cursed in annoyance. He got up from the his bed and began to change into his normal clothes. He needed to take a walk.

_Seishirou would murder me if I touched him, anyway. _He reminded himself, irritated. _Why _was Subaru so disgustingly attractive? The young man had an aura of sexiness that reached out and possessed everyone's mind. Even straight men wanted Sumeragi Subaru. It was almost likewise with Seishirou except, Seishirou was the master of swooning people he didn't care about. Subaru on the other hand, cared about everything and just swooned everyone naturally because of that fact.

_Whatever. _

Fuuma pushed those thoughts of his head and left the room. He decided to go on a mission to see if the cafeteria was opened, even though he seriously doubted it. He mostly just wanted to stretch his legs and "go exploring."

As he was walking he passed a door that was opened, and a voice very familiar to him was coming out of it.

"I'm sorry, but you have… AIDs."

"No!" Nataku cried.

"And you've never had sex with anyone other then this woman?" The doctor questioned. A deep, almost manly but definitely female voice answered.

"Yeah, he was a virgin."

_Oh god, it's Kanoe. _Fuuma hid before anyone saw him.

"You whore! You raped me and gave me aids!" Nataku sobbed.

"Oh be quiet, I saved your life. No one would have ever had sex with an "it"."

"If he claims to have been raped I'm going to inform the authorities," The doctor warned.

"Oh shut up I hadn't had sex in the past five minutes, what do you expect me to do? Just masturbate forever?" Fuuma heard the click of a lighter.

"No smoking in the hospital!"

"Shut the hell up or I'll rape you too."

"…." That promptly silenced the doctor.

"Just tell us how to fix him." Kanoe continued.

"W-Well.. um.." The doctor continued nervously, "I don't really… know… how… we would do that.. with a… genderless…. Person…"

Fuuma could hear Natuku crying. Quickly, before Kanoe could see him, he bolted across the doorway and fled down the hall as fast as he could.

_She's so scary! _He thought, terrified, as he rounded another corner, his hand clutching at his chest. He felt like he was going to sob. Kanoe had a similar effect on him as Kotori did.

_Oh god… Kotori… _A flashback rushed to him.

--

"Um… Kotori… what are you doing?"

Kotori smiled up at him. She was sitting at a gravestone, painting it indigo.

"I'm painting, onii-chan!"

"…But…" He hesitated, "…that's a gravestone…"

"I know, isn't it so pretty?" She said, looking away and stroking the rock back and forth with her brush. "It's such a pretty color isn't it, onii-chan?"

Fuuma felt sick to his stomach. Abruptly Kotori pulled out a gun, and Fuuma's eyes went wide. _Oh god! A gun! _He'd never seen one before, as handguns were strictly illegal in Japan. They were something that only existed in a fantasy world to him far, far away, or in the television. Kotori pressed it to her head, and his heart sank.

"I wanted a pretty gravestone," She said, smiling up at him, before she blasted her own head off. Brain bits and blood went everywhere. Fuuma screamed.

-

-

Back in reality Fuuma hugged himself and trembled, shutting his eyes tightly as tears leaked out. He liked that Kotori had killed herself but she had said something so creepy, it had given him nightmares for months. He'd only been 10 years old at the time for god's sake.

"Your mama's so fat…"

Fuuma forcefully wiped the tears from his eyes and peaked to see where that had come from. There was a roaring of laughter soon after the sentence had been spoken. When he looked into the nearby open doorway, he saw a bunch of doctors in an operating room, shirtless with beers in hand and no patient on the table. Fuuma stared because, most of them were freaking sexy. Rawr.

"This one time," A man with black hair with blond highlights began, grinning. Fuuma's eyes narrowed. _He would look good tied up._ "This patient asks me 'do I have cancer?' and I just started laughing." Some of the doctors spit out their beer or choked on it, and everyone began to laugh. Someone smacked the guy with blond highlights on the back as he snickered.

"You're so horrible!" One of the shorter men exclaimed, grinning open-mouthed.

"I know, I was just pretty drunk at the time." He said with a shrug.

Fuuma covered his mouth to keep himself from making a sound, but continued to watch.

"Your mamma's_ so_ fat…" A guy in the corner said with a dazed look on his face. His hair was wet, and Fuuma suspected it was wet from the pouring booze on it. He was obviously the drunkest one in the room. "When she jumped, she got _stuck_."

More laughter ensued. It was getting pretty obvious to Fuuma that all these doctors were drunk off their asses. _Hmph! And they tell us not to drink!_ He thought in mild annoyance. He then decided to go back to his room because the author decided that scene was totally pointless and too random for the nonexistent plot of this story.

-

-

-

"This is completely pointless!" Mokona snapped angrily. "Everyone's at the hospital!"

"T-Toya… stop it… not _here_…" Yukito whispered frantically, face hidden underneath white bangs. His cheeks were burning hot as the man in question gave a sugarcoated smile and pressed his younger 'friend' to the wall of the trailer. Yukito bit his lip and then gasped as Touya bent down and caressed his neck with his lips.

The set was a disaster. Random CLAMP characters of various mangas were running in all different directions, either shyly or with arrogance.

"Chi!"

"Hideki…" The robot fell over with a flutter of her eyes.

"Chi! Chi! Speak to me!"

"Hideki… Hideki… my special place… only you can touch me there…"

Hideki suddenly smiled perversely. "Wait! I can touch you there now!?"

"I'll lose my memories…" Hideki fell over. He buried his face in his hands so no one could see him sobbing his virgin (literally) tears. _Why must you punish me god? _He took out a knife to cut himself.

After he was done he glanced at Chi, innocently playing with the frills of her dress. _Fuck it… maybe I should just rape her…_

Kurogane scoffed and rolled his eyes. Fye was sipping a latté and smiling to himself.

"Kurooo-riiin." He sang. Kurogane tried to ignore him. This was not easily done seeing as how Fye was dancing around him.

Eventually Kurogane shoved Fye away and found who he was looking for.

"Hey, can you tell me where I can find that bastard 'Seishirou-san' guy? We never finished our fight!" He exclaimed angrily, sword in hand, glaring furiously.

Mokona sighed. "It doesn't matter you would have lost to him anyway."

"What!" Kurogane yelled, ears flaming red. "I would not have!"

"Um, _yes_ you _would_ have. And everyone knows it."

"It's trueeee Kuro-rin," Fye sang. Eventually Kurogane grabbed Fye by the throat and strangled him. But seeing as how Kurogane is annoying and Fye is awesome Fye managed to shove Kurogane off, and then use his super amazing magical powers to annihilate Kurogane. Cheers erupted from the entire CLAMP gang with Kurogane's death.

"Should we even bring him back to life?" Satsuki asked. Mokona shrugged nonchalantly as she watched Chi chase a butterfly across the set. "Mokona, are you _listening_? What are we going to do about Sakura? She's ruining clamp's name!"

"We still have her contract. I've got the best lawyers in _Asia_. We'll get her back."

Satsuki's mouth drew into a thin, annoyed line.

"_DON'T_ touch _my_ hair! HEY _YOU_! What are you looking at! You _better not_ be looking at my hair!" Hinoto screeched like a banshee as she stroked her long pale locks with amorous swerves of her fingers. "My beautiful, _beautiful_ hair…" She kissed it.

The man she had yelled at had been moving a light across the set. He stared at her dumbstruck. _Christ, that must take 500 million galloons of shampoo and conditioner to wash. _

Behind Hinoto Syaoran (from cardcaptor sakura) stood poised with a pair of sizzors, and evil glint in his eyes as he snipped bits of the woman's hair clean off. Luckily since Hinoto was paralyzed she did not notice. Her hair was too heavy to turn her head around fully anyway.

Mokona stared at the set, eyes empty of expression. _This is a nightmare. _

-

-

-

-

-

"Alright… so you're saying…" The shrink began, "That… your _dog_…"

Yuzuhira wiped a tear away obnoxiously and scoffed and the doctor's blatant terminology. "His name was _Inuki_," She said with a sniffle, and then her face crumpled and grew red again as she began to cry once more. She clutched her chest, bending down and hugging herself. Her life partner, her _soul mate_, her _lover_ was-!

"Miss… _um_… no one saw a dog out on the street," The doctor said quietly. Yuzuhira sat up, hatred burning in her eyes.

"Inuki _EXISTS!_" She roared angrily, and stood up, climbing up the chair and stomping like a child. "He EXISTS! He _EXISTS_!" She paused to gasp, "And you know what _I _think doctor- _I_ think _you_ think I'm _CRAZY_! I'm _not_ crazy! _I'M NOT CRAZY_," She stomped harder and screamed wildly.

_This bitch is crazy, _the doctor thought, terrified. He grabbed his phone.

"Matsura, get me some horse tranquilizer pronto!"

"_YOU'LL _NEVER_ TAKE ME ALIVE_!" She screeched one last time and chucked herself out the window, glass and wood shattering with the impact of her body. She screamed all the way down until she hit the pavement below.

The doctor sat there, a stunned look on his face, just as Matsura burst in with a needle handy.

-

-

-

-

**A/N:** Does anyone else agree that Kanoe is the creepiest character clamp has _ever_ made? And _not_ at _all_ in a good way.

I like how in Chobits clamp always tries to make Hideki out to be such a "good guy" but he really is just a stupid pervert. It's a shame because the art in Chobits is amazing.

Wow, I haven't updated this in a million years.


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